Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Well today I am 13DPO and its a  BFN. My temp plummeted which means AF is on her way... So this would be my 2nd failed IUI and my first failed injection cycle. I think I am losing my drive to keep doing this. We have the meds for 1 more cycle and can scrape together the money for maybe one more... but then what? Our only next option is IVF or adoption.

I would be more prone to gravitate to adoption. We'd spend the same on international adoption as we would on IVF anyway. My hubby isn't apposed to adoption, we've discussed it and he seems to like the idea to some extent. But.. I do know that he wants a baby that is biologically his. Plus with international adoption you don't get an infant, your lucky if the baby is under 1. 

Well all my negativity aside if the test is a BFN tomorrow or AF shows I'll go in for a baseline scan and start all over again... God willing there is no cyst or I'll be sitting out another month.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

2011 Aggression!

Well I said I would post a new blog weekly but that obviously hasn't happen. 2011 has been busy!

My 2 Clomid attempts failed, My Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI failed....  So now we have decided to move forward with Injections of Follistim+Ovidrel+IUI. Expensive yes, but hopefully it will do the trick! So after the BFN from the Clomid IUI, I went and had an ultra sound to check for any cysts. I had a big one! So the RE put me on LoEstrin BCP for 2 weeks. Weird.... all my life I have never taken birth control and now I have to use it while TTC.

I ordered the Follistim and Ovidrel.... $900 geeesh. The tiniest little tube containing the tiniest little amount of medicine. The process doesn't look to bad, I'm mostly worried about making all the doctors visits over the next couple weeks.

I have an appointment on 02/22 to see if the cyst is gone and I can start the injections. Fingers crossed because I'm dying to get started with this. I don't plan to use OPK's because they will be pointless, but I might still temp just to see whats going on and obsess over something...lol

So if this cycle doesn't work we might be able to afford one more like this one before we will have to take a financially induced break. Then we will save for IVF. With what our insurance covers we'll need about $4000 for that. A jump from a 1% chance conceiving with no help to a 5% chance with Clomid seemed weak. Then jumping to a 10% chance with the IUI seemed good. This cycle they say we have a 20% chance, but a 60% chance with IVF sounds even better.

I find myself becoming numb to the amount of money we are spending that we cannot afford. I find myself becoming numb when the old ladies at church ask "so will you be next" as I smile and watch my sister in law open her bags filled with cute little baby dresses. I have become numb to the Facebook posts when a friend hints to being pregnant and not happy about it. I have become numb to everything but the pain of the constant BFN.

I found comfort in this Bible Verse today.....

1 Samuel 1: 11- 16

11 And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”  12 As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. 13 Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk 14 and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”
 15 “Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. 16 Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”